giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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