What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He has the fingertips of a God
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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