I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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