Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
