fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
