What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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