see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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