this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
