her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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