TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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