I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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