By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
