fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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