OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
