Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
