have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
