I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
