my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
