i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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