i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
