I wish i was in the wii world.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
