Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
