Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
