I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
