@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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