Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
