that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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