I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
