listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
