Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
