her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
