I got chris browned last night
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My penis needs a shock collar
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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