Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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