Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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