just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
