I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
