Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
