Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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