I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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