): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
