Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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