yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
