so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
