I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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