You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
