i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
