Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
