they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Houston, we have a squirter
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
