Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
