The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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