she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
