I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
