I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
