dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
